Saturday, October 24, 2015

A Two-Minute Book Pitch for DEATH AND WHITE DIAMONDS by Jeff Markowitz

[It's Charlie and I'm a guy.]
Who is this idiot and how did he get into my office during tanning time?
[You're always tanning and he had an appointment]
Hmmmph. OK. 
Can't you take off that beard? No? 
OK. Let's get this over with. 
How did you come up with the idea?
I was walking on the beach one night in North Cape May when I imagined a body, dead at the waterline. The knife was still warm in my hand.

North Cape May? 
That's really Wildwood--
dead bodies are a dime a dozen in Wildwood.
 Never mind. 
What’s the Teaser Pitch that got you into my door? 
Richie's girlfriend suggested a romantic getaway, promised him a week-end he will never forget. So why can't he remember what happened, when he finds her lifeless body on the beach?
Richie is pretty sure he didn't kill his girlfriend, but his memory is hazy. One thing, however, is clear. When Lorraine's body is found, he's going to be the prime suspect in a murder investigation. If her body is found. Disposing of the body turns out to be harder than Richie could have imagined. Losing it, however, is easy.

 So your Hero is Richie?
I'll bet he can't forget.
 I can see young Donald Sutherland in the role 
or maybe that kid with the googly eyes on Mr. Robot.
How does he change in the book?
Richie would tell you that his story is a classic case of Why do bad things happen to good people?  He had the bad fortune, he would tell you, of discovering his girlfriend, dead on the beach, and then things just sort of spun out of control. He’s a sociopath, but I bet you’ll be rooting for him all the way to the end.
Hey, this is Hollywood. 
We got nothing but sociopaths out here.  
Why this title?
The title evokes the scene, captured on the book cover, when Richie finds his girlfriend’s body on the beach. Also, the following morning, when he wakes up next to his dead girlfriend and breathes in the aroma of her favorite perfume.

OH! I get it! White Diamonds that the old fat broad was pitching.
[That would be the immortal Elizabeth Taylor, you idiot!]
Sure. Sure. Whatever. 
See if we can get her.
 What’s the logline?
Did you ever have one of those days? And you haven’t even gotten to the bad part yet.

Not bad. Not bad. 
 Why should I, The Rich and Insanely Handsome Book Mogul, buy it?

You’ll feel better knowing that someone is having a worse day than you are. And the chum cannon scene alone is worth the price of admission.

Chum Cannon? 
Hmmm. I could use that on Elon Musk...or better yet WITH Elon Musk. 
Sweetheart! Stop the Presses! We're rolling out... What's the name of this book again? 

[Right after I file this week's sexual harassment complaint.}

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